


Decision Made

by Leianora



Category: A - Fandom
Genre: M/M, P - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-03-19
Packaged: 2018-01-16 08:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1338043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leianora/pseuds/Leianora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julian Bashir realizes that his usual impulsiveness will not work when it comes to dealing with Elim Garak on Post-war Cardassia</p>
            </blockquote>





	Decision Made

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Valentine's day gift for Strangeseraph and was written for the 2014 fic exchange on the live journal community doctor/taylor

It was only supposed to be for 30 days. At least, that was what he’d told himself when he first arrived on Cardassia Prime nearly 2 months earlier. As the days had passed, however, he’d realized that there was still so much to do. Some of his long-term patients needed multiple checkups to gage their progress, and others had just piled up on him and on the other Federation doctors who’d come here to help. Now, he was one of only 3 doctors left from the Federation.

Starfleet had extended his leave to last another month, but after that, Julian Bashir wasn’t sure what he was going to do. He doubted that he would be able to bring himself to go back to Deep Space 9 once this month was owver. It would feel too much like giving up, and that wasn’t his way.

He told himself that the fact that there was nothing and no one really to go back to didn’t matter, but he knew that he wasn’t being totally honest. He and Ezri hadn’t really lasted very long. He’d tried, and he knew that she had as well, but her confusion and lack of training in how to deal with the many different lives the worm inside her had lived made things difficult. Eventually, they’d mutually agreed to just be friends. Soon after their breakup, she’d left to return to Trill to gain that knowledge, and he’d fled for Cardassia with a medical convoy.

Neither of them spoke of it, but the unseen elephant in the room, the feelings Julian still had for Elim Garak, had come between them. When Ezri had found out that he’d gone to Cardassia, she’d sent him a letter expressing her happiness for him, and her honest hope that things would work out for him. Her sincere kindness still made him smile.

Now, as he trudged back to his very sparse quarters at day’s end, his mind wandered to the reason he’d actually come to Cardassia. He had spoken to Garak only once just long enough to let him know that he was on the planet to help, and though he’d received a courteous reply thanking him for his efforts and kindness, he’d heard nothing more about him that couldn’t be publicly known by everyone.

Elim Garak was now the chief advisor of a man named Alon Ghemor, the head of a political organization struggling to create a government based on a democratic principle of rule. His was the voice most people heard when the huge screens placed in every public square came to life. His was the advice Ghemor heeded whenever the different factions of the Cardassian people were deadlocked in the midst of arguing and shouts of accusation and blame.

As his mind finally settled into the more familiar track of wondering about Garak, he found himself sighing sadly. Somehow, he’d thought that coming to help Garak would have allowed their friendship to reassert itself. He’d hoped that they’d be able to find a way to continue their discussions on literature, cultural differences and government policies. It hadn’t happened, however, and he knew that part of the reason they’d never gotten together could be blamed on his own exhaustion and the huge mountain of medical work that needed desperately to be done.

He turned a corner and nearly walked right into a Cardassian who was standing at the doors of the building right next to the one where he lived. He blinked as he looked up and flushed.

“I’m so sor…” he began, and then found himself staring into Garak’s eyes.

“Hello, Doctor,” Garak replied softly. “You look absolutely terrible, if I may say so.”

“G-Garak?” Julian’s voice was filled with shock. He hadn’t ever expected to see his friend here.

“Indeed,” Garak responded, smiling. “I was just coming to see you. Perhaps you’d better go inside and sit down. I wouldn’t want you to pass out because of your astonishment or the heat.”

“Um… Oh… Right,” he mumbled. “It’s good to see you.”

Garak chuckled and gently took his elbow. As they headed the rest of the way to his building, Julian struggled to regain his scattered wits. As he fumbled with the key to open the small suite he’d been given, it occurred to him that something must be wrong. Why else would Garak be here? Surely he didn’t have the time to merely be catching up with an old friend, did he?

He stumbled through the basic courtesies of being a good host as his mind began running through the possible reasons that could have brought Garak here. Finally, when nothing was forthcoming from the evasive Cardassian, he bluntly asked if something was wrong.

“Wrong? What could be wrong?” Garak’s innocence didn’t deter Julian one bit. He’d heard such protestations of feigned ignorance too many times from this man to believe them.

“Garak,” he said, his exasperation starting to show, “you could be dying and you’d still try to convince me that nothing was wrong. Forgive me if I don’t believe you, but if nothing is wrong, as you say, what brought you here? I’m very glad to see you, but you’re so busy…”

Garak’s sudden laugh interrupted him. Before he could do more than frown, though, the older man laid a hand on his knee and looked into his eyes. Startled by his touch, Julian stared back at him and swallowed as his heartbeat picked up speed and his mind seemed to freeze.

“I’m glad to see that your credulity can indeed be stretched, my dear,” he said with obvious amusement in his tone. A faint but fond smile curved his lips upward. “I promise you, however, nothing is wrong. I merely came to pay an old friend a visit. I haven’t seen you in some time, and the one communique we did exchange after you arrived here was unforgivably short.”

Julian found himself smiling back. When Garak’s hand slowly left his knee, he felt the warmth of it for some time afterwards. They talked about small things at first; Ezri leaving the station and the state of his relationship with her, Kira’s troubles working with the new people who had come to the station to replace those who had left, the O’Briens and their children who were enjoying their time back on Earth, Quark’s latest run-ins with the law, and many others.

Once Julian had exhausted his news on the acquaintances they shared, he asked about Garak’s work. Garak sipped his red leaf tea and sighed. “If I’m not talking, or shouting in some cases,” he said ruefully, “I’m helping to repair damaged buildings or trying to curry favor with the Federation. It’s exhausting, and there are days when I’m almost sure that nothing has been done, but we’re slowly making progress. All in all, it makes for fairly dry conversational material.””

Julian chuckled wearily, and then found himself asking: “Would you like to join me for dinner?”

The flicker of surprise in Garak’s eyes was very quickly gone, but Julian knew what to look for, so he hadn’t missed it. When he nodded silently, Julian smiled sunnily and proceeded to recklessly spend 2 days’ worth of his rations for the both of them. As they ate, they talked as if no time at all had passed. The rapport they shared shone through every one of their interactions. Julian realized that part of Garak’s job as a spy had sometimes been to find out information on people and their dealings, so he was used to exerting some charm to put them at their ease. As a politician, his personality had to remain equal to the task, but Julian knew deep down that some of the feelings of goodwill he and Garak shared were genuine on the older man’s part.

Once they had finished their dessert, Julian sat back, unable to remember when he’d last been so full. As he playfully reported this fact to his friend, he saw the brief flicker of sadness pass across Garak’s unusually expressive eyes. With an effort that was also visible, he shook it off and offered a smile. It occurred to Julian that Garak would probably have never allowed anyone to see so much of his feelings if he didn’t care for or trust them on some level, whether consciously or not. That, too, left Julian feeling very happy.

Finally, about a half an hour after they’d finished eating and Garak had helped him clean up, he turned to face Julian with a very serious expression. They’d moved to sit next to each other on the only small couch in his quarters, and the moment that the playful banter left Garak’s eyes, Julian went silently on high alert. So, he thought almost grimly, something is wrong.

“Doctor, I was wondering if you’d do me a very large favor. Actually, you’d be doing my people a favor, but we would also be doing one for you, I think.”

“If I can, you know I will,” Julian replied, his earnest sincerity showing in every line of his posture. “What can I do for the people of Cardassia?”

“I’d very much like it if you could continue doing what you’re already doing,” Garak said softly. “I’d—we would like you to stay here on a more permanent basis.”

Julian felt as if something long missing had just found its new home. It was like a puzzle piece clicking into place to fill a gaping hole inside his mind.

“Please understand, I don’t want you to just abandon Starfleet,” Garak continued. “I know that there are only 2 other doctors here from the Federation, but I, and my superiors, would be most gratified if you would consent to…”

Before he could say another word, Julian leaned forward and kissed him right on the lips. If Garak was at all surprised, he didn’t show it. His eyes locked onto Julian’s, and his mouth seemed to meld to the younger man’s own, as if he, too, had merely been waiting for the right moment to do this. When Julian’s lips parted and a soft moan escaped, Garak’s hands came up to gently frame his face as he took over the kiss.

“I take it that’s a yes,” he murmured quietly as Julian reluctantly pulled back.

“Yes,” Julian replied breathlessly. “Yes.”

Julian felt sunlight warming the side of his face closest to the window. He grumbled sleepily as his eyes opened, but then a smile curved his lips upward as he slowly sat up. Today was another day, but the memory of the kiss he and Elim had shared the night before had the power to chase away his usual irritation with mornings. As he got ready to face the day, he recalled the second equally tender kiss Elim had given him just before they had agreed to call it a night. They had parted with the understanding that they would meet each other again in 4 days for lunch.

It was during the slight lull at midday when Dr. Aaron Becket caught his attention to let him know that he had an incoming call from Starfleet. He blinked at the unfamiliar face that greeted him as he faced the small screen of the communications console.

“Dr. Bashir,” the man who had introduced himself as Admiral Haze said severely, “I understand your commendable need to heal and do no harm, but don’t you think you’re carrying things a bit too far? I know that you’re aware that we’re sending medical personnel to Cardassia on a 3 month rotation basis.”

The man’s question caught him completely off guard for a moment. He hadn’t imagined this sort of response from a member of Starfleet. Sure, they’d been at war with the Cardassians for several years, and sure, the Cardassians had been part of the Dominion, but did that give the Federation the right to refuse them aid, especially since they’d realized the error of their ways and helped them win the war in the end? According to this damned bean-counting bureaucrat, it did.

“I am aware of that, Sir,” he said as calmly as he could, but I’d like permission to stay here anyway. These people need our help, and I’m more than willing.”

“Oh?” The single word was filled with so much innuendo that Julian very nearly lost his temper.

“Yes,” he said as steadily as he could. His mind raced as the admiral began to lecture him on the responsibilities and the ethical conduct of a Starfleet officer. How had he found out that Julian wanted to stay? Obviously, Garak had gotten ahold of him and put in a request to have him remain here. The man worked fast, Julian had to give him that.

“What the hell are you smiling at, Doctor?” the Admiral demanded angrily.

Julian bit his lower lip and looked down, forcing his face to assume a more sober expression. “I’m sorry, Sir,” he said softly, but I really do wish to stay here and help. I’m not doing anything wrong or illegal, and my position on Deep Space 9 could just as easily be filled by someone else. The Cardassian fleet did help us in the end, and I want to return the favor.”

“So, you’re telling me that the request of Elim Garak isn’t the only reason you’re willing to remain there?” Haze asked skeptically.

“Chief Advisor Garak is a good friend of mine, I won’t deny that,” he said honestly, but no, Sir, his request is not the only reason I want to stay and help these people.”

“And what would you do if I were to refuse the request and recall you back to Deep Space 9 immediately?” the admiral asked in an almost menacing snarl.

Julian’s eyes widened. His entire world seemed to tilt dangerously out of kilter. What would he do? Could he bring himself to leave Starfleet? Would he truly be required to make such a choice? And if he did, would Elim respect his decision? What if he found Julian’s willingness to abandon his promising career repugnant and unnecessary?

“Well, Doctor?” the admiral pushed. “What have you to say to that?”

Julian was suddenly reminded of a playground bully. This man was behaving just like one, and it did not please him at all. He rose to the challenge and was amazed at how calm he sounded even as he felt his fury rising inside his mind and causing his face to flush.

“I’d have to appeal your decision on the grounds that it was arbitrarily made,” he said. “That, in turn, would bring your objectivity over Cardassia and its troubles into question. Are you recalling me dew to extreme prejudice against the Cardassian people, Sir?”

“How dare you?!” Haze roared. “I’d be recalling you because I refuse to treat you any differently than I would any other Starfleet officer who has offered to be a part of the relief effort! If you do decide to question my decision by appealing it, it could easily cost you your career!”

“I’m well aware of that fact, Sir,” Julian said; and still, his voice was very calm. “But it’s a risk I’m willing to take. I’ll fight to make sure these people get the help they need, not just some cursory patches and bandages from the Federation.”

“You were the doctor that came up with the cure for the Founders, weren’t you?”

Julian didn’t bother to answer that, since he knew damn well that that information was in his record. “I’m starting to wonder whose side you’re really on, Doctor,” Haze spat.

“Admiral,” Julian said finally, shocked by this man’s attitude, “the Federation isn’t at war with the Cardassians anymore. And as for whose side I’m on, that particular question isn’t relevant to this conversation. I would hate to appeal your orders, Sir, but I will if I have to.”

“You swore an oath when you became an officer…” Haze began.

Julian interrupted him; his voice tightly controlled as he fought back the urge to shout. “I swore an oath to heal and do no harm, as you said. That oath matters more to me than anything else.”

“I hope you continue to feel that way after you’ve been asked to leave Starfleet,” Haze responded, and then he cut the connection; leaving Julian to stare at the blank screen.

He put his head in his hands and closed his eyes as a headache started to pound at his temples. “Oh, hell,” he muttered to himself, “what are you going to do now, Jules?”

“You okay, Julian?” The question startled him. He looked up into the concerned eyes of Arron Becket. The man was his senior by a good 30 years, but they didn’t really know each other well.

“I have a small confession to make. I couldn’t help overhearing some of that,” the older man continued. “We don’t have any patients right now, so…” His voice trailed off, and Julian knew that he was waiting for him to confide in him. Acting on an impulse, Julian started to do just that.

“I… I met up with an old friend of mine last night,” he began.

Once he was finished, he was surprised to discover that he’d even told his colleague about his changing relationship with Garak. Much to his relief, Becket didn’t seem to be too upset over that. Julian wasn’t sure what he would have done if the man had reacted with disgust.

“I have to say,” he finally stated quietly, “I’m surprised and more than a little disturbed by Admiral Haze’s behavior. I don’t know much about the man, but I wonder if you’re right about his prejudice against Cardassians. So, what are you going to do if he does recall you? If you leave Starfleet and your new relationship doesn’t work out, are you willing to risk staying here to face the awkwardness of that depressing fact day after day? Does your willingness to help go beyond your relationship with this man?”

Julian hadn’t told Becket who his friend was, only that he was a man, but Becket’s questions helped to focus his mind and get him passed the shock of his conversation with the Admiral and its implications. He took a deep breath and frowned a bit as he thought about how to answer those questions to his own satisfaction, recognizing that Becket wasn’t asking because he wanted to know what Julian would do, but because he was genuinely trying to help Julian figure it out for himself. He smiled as he realized what a good man Becket was.

“I…” he started, “I think that I’m needed here. I’ve thought that ever since I arrived two months ago. It’s true that I originally came here because of my feelings for this man, but not seeing him for so long after I started working here made me focus on doing what I could to help instead of my feelings for him. I really do think I could manage to stay here and do my job even if we didn’t work out. I… I like it here. I like what I’m doing.”

“Good, then,” Becket said. “What more is there to wonder about? Just wait for the recall order to come in, appeal it, and then if you still don’t get what you want, resign from Starfleet. At least you know you’ll have a good career here, and an excellent opportunity to help people who desperately need it. Even if things don’t work out between you and your friend, your conscience will be clear, right?”

“Absolutely,” Julian agreed with a huge grin. “Thanks,” he added sincerely.

“No problem, my young friend,” Becket responded. He clapped Julian on the shoulder and then turned his head as the door to their small facility opened. “Now, let’s go back to work.”

Four days later, Julian stumbled out into the midday sun. He tried to blink to adjust his eyes to the brightness, but realized that he was blinking away tears. He’d just lost another patient; this one a small child who had been found living under a bombed out building in the Tarlak sector. The little boy had been 3 years old, and he’d been found staring catatonically at the dead bodies of his mother and grandparents by a team of Federation rescue workers. He’d been malnourished and his body had been so riddled with radiation that there’d been nothing Julian could do but make his last days as comfortable and painless as possible. He’d never gained full awareness of his surroundings, and that, somehow, made his death more heartrending to Julian.

“Doctor?” The soft voice was, once again, the last one Julian had been expecting to hear.

“Garak?” he whispered.

“We were supposed to meet for lunch today, but if you’re too busy…”

“No… Oh no, I’m not… I mean, I’m glad to see you.” He said.

They stared at each other for an awkward second, and then Garak laid a hand on his arm and gently guided him away from the medical facility. Neither of them said a word, but somehow, the silence seemed more restful than any amount of chatter would have been. When they finally stopped walking, they’d reached a newly opened restaurant Julian hadn’t noticed before.

Still holding his arm, Garak led him inside and had them seated at a private table in the very back. Only when they were sitting down did the Cardassian speak.

“I take it today has been a rather trying one for you,” he said softly.

Julian found himself once more blinking back tears. “You could say that,” he replied shakily.

“Well, let us order, and then you can tell me all about it, as well as anything else you feel the need to talk about,” he invited warmly.

As he nibbled absently on his food, Julian told Garak everything; from his conversation with Admiral Haze to the child he’d lost today. When Garak heard that Haze had indeed recalled Julian back to Deep Space 9, he narrowed his eyes in anger, but didn’t seem very surprised.

“So what have you decided to do with regards to the recall order?” he asked.

“I’m staying, even if I have to resign from Starfleet,” Julian said almost harshly.

“My dear, are you sure that’s what you wish to do?”

“If I had my way, I’d rather still be in Starfleet. I’d be able to offer a bit more than my professional help. I could ask for and receive medical supplies and…”

“Yes, that’s true,” Garak interrupted, “but you would truly stay even if you couldn’t offer those things? Have you given any thought to our situation?”

Garak, even if things don’t work out between us, I really do want to stay here,” Julian said, looking into his friend’s eyes. “As I told Doctor Becket, I like what I’m doing here.”

The look Garak gave him was so filled with tenderness that it nearly took his breath away. “It shouldn’t, but your decision surprises me. I’m delighted as well, of course.”

Julian reached across the table and felt Garak’s finger’s twine with his. As they pressed their palms together, he smiled. “I think we will work out, though,” he said suddenly.

Garak pulled his hand back slowly and chuckled. “Your optimism never ceases to amaze me, Doctor,” he replied wryly.

“Call me Julian,” he said.

“Very well, Julian,” Garak responded softly. “But only if you’ll call me Elim.”

Julian nodded, and then looked at his chronometer with real regret. “I have to get back to work, but could we meet for dinner tonight? We really need to talk more about… us.”

“I think that would be an excellent idea. I’ll pick you up at 17 hundred hours and we’ll go back to my place. I hope you’ll enjoy the meal I have planned for tonight.”

“Sometimes, the universe balances the losses we suffer with our joys,” Arron Becket said softly as he gazed with a smile at the newborn baby Julian had just helped a Cardassian woman bring into the world. When the younger man nodded with a grin of his own, he added, “by the way, there’s a man here to see you. He says he’s here to pick you up now that your shift is over.”

Julian looked closely at the older doctor. He seemed a little flustered. “Is everything all right?” he asked.

“I recognized him. That’s not…”

Julian smiled. “Yes, it’s Chief Advisor Garak. He’s a good friend of mine,” he said.

“Ah, well, enjoy your evening, my friend,” Dr. Becket replied, giving Julian the faintest smile.

Had that been approval he’d seen in the older man’s eyes? Julian wasn’t sure, and he decided that he didn’t want to worry about it. He had a feeling that if the man didn’t approve of his relationship with Garak, no, he reminded himself, he needed to think of him as Elim now; there was nothing he could do to get the man to change his mind.

As they walked back to Elim’s house, Julian told him about the baby. He glanced over at the Cardassian just in time to catch the smile that flitted across his face.

“You do seem to be feeling much happier than you were earlier,” he commented.

“Oh, I am,” Julian said, flashing his friend a grin. “She wanted this baby so badly, and so did her husband. Now that they’ve been given this chance, I really think they’re going to be okay.”

They reached Garak’s house and entered through the door which looked newer than the rest of the place, but Julian didn’t comment on that. Most of the buildings on the planet had been patched up or completely rebuilt after the bombardment. Garak urged Julian to make himself at home and then began bustling about fixing a main course that consisted of fish which Julian didn’t recognize, and a few vegetables. He then arranged a small plate of fruit slices and offered Julian some wine to drink.

“Where did you get the wine?” Julian asked, sipping carefully from his glass.

“Ah, my dear Julian, that would be telling, and I’m not a man to give away my secrets, as you should very well know by now,” Elim said with a sly smirk.

Julian rolled his eyes and sighed loudly, but grinned back, giving up. “If you say so,” he muttered. “It’s really good,” he added, not wanting Elim to think that he’d been put off by his banter.

“I’m so glad you like it,” he replied as he set a full plate before his human friend.

Julian found himself thinking and eating more than speaking during the meal that followed. To his relief, Elim seemed more inclined to remain silent as well. Julian’s introspection lasted through each course and well into the dessert before he finally broke it by once again thanking Elim for the excellent meal. Elim smiled and graciously accepted his thanks, and once they were finished with the fruit dipped in a red, creamy sauce that seemed to ease the tart, almost bitter taste of it, he invited Julian to carry his drink into a small parlor and make himself comfortable while he cleaned up. When Julian asked if he could help, he politely declined his offer.

It took only a few moments for Elim to finish up in the kitchen. When he joined Julian, he brought the bottle of wine with him. Julian smiled his thanks as Elim refilled his glass for a third time and then poured himself some more as well before taking a seat across from him in an old, but comfortable looking armchair. Julian stared into his glass, not knowing what to say next.

“I hope you won’t think me insensitive for saying this, Julian,” Elim said quietly, “but your feelings about us, as you put it, have astonished me. Even the kisses we exchanged the other night caught me more than a little off guard.”

“I know,” Julian began, “and I’m really sorry if…”

“Please, don’t misunderstand me,’ Elim interrupted almost urgently. “I’m not averse to letting things go further between us, but why did you not say something sooner about your feelings?”

“Well… I… I wasn’t sure about them. It’s stupid really… I mean, I’m a bloody genius when it comes to most things, but this… I guess I’ve always been more than a little slow in the relationship department. I got so used to hiding everything important about myself from everyone. But then my biggest secret came out, and suddenly I had nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of anymore. I was never ashamed of you, not really… I was ashamed of my feelings for you. I thought they were wrong, which is really stupid because most humans don’t think that way about same-sex relationships anymore, much less interspecies ones…”

He hung his head, not able to continue. He wasn’t saying any of this the way he wanted to say it. The words were getting all mixed up between his brain and his mouth somehow, and he didn’t know quite how to go back and undo what he’d just said and make it all make more sense. Elim moved then, rising to come around the table that separated them. He sank down onto the couch beside Julian, and gently cupped his chin in his hand, forcing him to look into his eyes.

“You were afraid,” he said softly.

Julian swallowed, blinked several times, tried to look away, and then nodded.

“But you’re not afraid anymore, are you?” Elim asked; his voice still very quiet.

“No,” Julian murmured. “I’m not sure when my fear started to go away, but it left me completely when you asked if I could stay here. That was when I knew that we… That things could work out between us if we tried.”

“My dear,” Elim whispered, “Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that to me?”

Before Julian could even think of how he should respond to that question, Elim’s lips were on his once more, and his heartbeat had sped up. Only when Elim pulled back and gazed into his eyes did his mind start working properly again.

“I… Does this mean you won’t mind if I move in here with you?” He asked.

“You’d be quite welcome, dear Julian,” Elim replied; before going back to kissing him.


End file.
